Regret: Excerpts

"...Masterful story telling!"

From Chapter One:

...l wasn't looking for fireworks and I didn’t need the earth to move. I just wanted to meet someone I like that would, hopefully, like me back. Maybe my expectations were a bit low but I had given up on the idea of a fairytale a long time ago. Tonight wasn’t about that. Tonight was about a lonely single mom who loved her daughter more than anything in the world but who, quite frankly, didn't wanna be alone anymore...


From Chapter Four:

...And in those many moments of pure honesty, when there was no one in the room but myself and the woman in the mirror, I had to face some harsh realities. One of the most painful was the fact that, as much as I knew Brian loved me, I was never really in love with him.
He was a good man who happened into my life at a time when it made sense for me to settle down. He was kind and supportive and he treated me well, so I just kinda went with it. He was a good choice. He was a smart and safe choice. But when I was being honest with myself, I had to admit that’s all he was. He was my husband and he was my friend, but he was never truly my man...

From Chapter Six:

...I spread my knees apart and relaxed, allowing my body to adjust to his size, before starting to slowly grind into him. We moved well together from the start. There was no awkwardness, no lack of chemistry. He filled me completely and, with each movement, touched a different part of my body. There was literally no part of me he couldn’t reach and the more he gave me the more I wanted...


From Chapter Ten:

...I knew all of that in my head but in the place that mattered, in my heart, I knew something different. I was a mommy, and mommy is supposed to always be there. Always. Mommy is supposed to be there for every bad dream and to wake you up on every birthday. Mommy should be the first person a child sees every morning and mommy’s should be the last face they see every night. Daddy may be big and strong, but mommy is the one to make you feel safe when you're scared. She is the one you believe when she says everything is gonna be ok and she is the one you turn to when you have nowhere else to go. Every child needs their mommy and, of everything I had failed at in my life, I would regret most failing to give my baby girl the kind of mommy she deserved.

From Chapter Twenty-five:

...being in such complete control of what he was feeling, made me feel like I owned him. Like he was mine and I never wanted to let him go.
I kissed him, gently, lovingly, all over. Front, back, top, bottom. My lips had a mind of their own as they explored every inch of him, letting no part of him go unloved...

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Regret: Prologue

"...Sexy, fast paced...addictive!"

In a weird way, I always knew it would come down to this. Unfortunately, knowing didn't make it any easier.

My entire world had just come crashing down around me and I knew, instinctively, I didn’t have the strength to rebuild it. Not again. Not after everything I had been through and sacrificed and missed out on. I couldn’t go through that again. I wouldn't.


The fighter in me wanted to lash out. Only there was nothing or no one left for me to lash out at. Everything I had worked for, all the dreams and desires I sold my soul to achieve now amounted to nothing and the only thing I would be left with was a legacy of lies, betrayal, and murder.

None of that matters anymore...

NOTHING matters anymore...

Not after tonight...

I barely recognized the disheveled mess staring back at me in the mirror. I tried to look away but suddenly felt light-headed and, before I knew what was happening, felt my body crashing down hard onto the marble floor.

My brain barely registered the pain as I lay there for what seemed like an eternity, trying to compose myself and come up with some sort of plan. I had nothing. In fact, the longer and harder I thought about it, the more clear it became. Even with all of my money and a newly formed contact list filled with some of the most influential people in the world, I was powerless to stop what was about to happen.

I looked around blankly until my eyes settled on a small object in the corner. The room was dark, save for the ominous glow of a full moon protruding through the floor-to-ceiling windows. That was more than enough light to see the object in the corner was my purse.

Salvation...

I clumsily dragged myself across the floor to the four thousand dollar Burberry tote I’d purchased a few hours earlier. I pulled out a small, sterling silver case which, even in my somewhat altered state, I was able to open and access its contents without so much as a stumble.

This was the easy part...

Propping myself up against the tub, I calmly got to work, placing two, tic-tac sized chunks onto the small spoon.

My customized rig included two syringes, one empty and the other pre-loaded with water which I carefully squirted into the spoon. Tossing the water syringe aside, I picked up the cigarette lighter and proceeded to heat the spoon from the bottom, dissolving my ‘candy.’

With the steady hands of a surgeon, I set down the lighter, picked up a piece of cotton, and rolled it between my fingers until it was small enough to fit onto the spoon.

Almost there...

I dropped my makeshift cotton ball onto the spoon and watched as it puffed up like a sponge, soaking in the newly dissolved solution. I then picked up the second syringe, pushed it into the center of the cotton and pulled the plunger slowly until all of the liquid was sucked in.

Finally...

Setting down my spoon, I placed the needle of the syringe flat against the skin at the bend of my left arm and inserted it down the length of the vein, carefully pulling the plunger to allow the blood to flow in. When I was sure there was little to no air, I put my head back, closed my eyes and smoothly pushed the plunger, re-filling my veins with the only relief I needed or wanted at the moment.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

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